To my distinguished colleagues at the
Special Research Projects Administration,
I've just been reviewing your SRPA budget for the
coming year of 1951 and I noticed some strange
requests buried in the fine print. Specifically, it
calls for the development and manufacture of a weapon
called "The V7 Splicer" which, when completed, would
have the capability to fire saw blades at an enemy
combatant. While I fully support every American's
natural-born right to bear arms, is this really
necessary? Aren't there more productive applications
for our precious national resources? This thing
looks like a deli saw on a rifle stock.
If we do have some need for this thing, perhaps we
should look to better materials for the manufacture
of it. The people of my district mine semiprecious
minerals. Could the blades of the V7 Splicer be made
out of quartz? It's sharp and cheap. Or, better
yet, could the gun aid in the extraction of said
quartz?
Also, tourism is essential to our local economy.
Would SRPA be willing to showcase the V7 Splicer in
action at next year's county fair? That could draw
some major crowds, let me tell you.
Please consider my requests and get back to me at
your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
signature
Representative Boone T. Hawkins