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GRAY TODAY SAFE TOMORROW

A report from the office of Perception Protection and Guidance

The Naysayers want to scare you - they speak of our government-appointed "Gray Zones" as if they were mortuaries, full of only the deceased and the deformed. But, the PPG is here to assure you:

THE GRAY ZONES ARE STILL PART OF AMERICA!

We would never forsake huge sections of our own nations and give them over to the enemy. That simply is not our way. The Gray Zones are merely too volatile to integrate back into the whole of the U.S. right now - that's the bottom line. It's not a permanent situation, just a temporary solution.

Unfortunately, we must quarantine New England for at least two more months. Experts have been deployed to assess the damage there and to care for those affected by the unfortunate invasion to our neighbors in the northeast. But once all requirements have been met (as determined by the American Health Coalition, the military and local authorities), this Gray Zone will be upgraded to "Inhabitable" status and acclimated into the union once more.